Crossfit: Forging Elite Snobbery
I’ve written up two different pieces on Crossfit last year, and decided that I want to keep the ball rolling. I REALLY want to let you guys know how the hell I feel about Crossfit. As controversial of a movement that it is, I truly believe it deserves the criticism and scrutiny it’s been receiving for the past few years.
Exercising, Not Training
Crossfiters – When you go to your gym, do you train, or do you go “kill” the workout?
Chances are, you answered with the 2nd response. You see, powerlifters, bodybuilders, gymnasts, weightlifters, and other athletes only “train” for their sport.
But you – no, you don’t train. You murder your workouts every single time. You rip that poor sucker’s heart out with no mercy. You are a huffing-and-puffing beast that self-inflicts pain everytime you step in the gym.
I have news for you, badass Crossfitter: all you’re doing is simply exercising. What you’re doing is similar to those who walk everyday, or hop on the elliptical to burn some calories. The only difference is that you make guttural noises and potentially puke every single time your workout.
Training is defined as “the action of teaching a person or animal a particular skill or type of behavior” or “the action of undertaking a course of exercise and diet in preparation for a sporting event” (credit: Google).
While others take the time to learn their “skills”, whether it be maximal strength, odd-object lifting, climbing, sprinting speed, throwing, etc., people who do Crossfit participate in a cluster-f**k of poorly-learned, sloppily-executed movement, for the sake of competition and exhaustion.
Please don’t tell me that your hodge-podge of a workout is developing all of those skills at once. If your workout consists of kipping pullups and deadlifts performed for time, you’ll probably still be doing kipping pullups and deadlifitng the same weight one year later.
If you want to become good at something, work on it regularly and with the highest performance possible, progress linearly until no longer feasible, then continue with specialized periodization programs.
Crossfit Discovered Everything Fitness-Related… Not
People who do Crossfit swear by the program, you’d think the founders would have a copyright on it. Well, they do, technically. Crossfit HQ can sue the crap out of you if your try to instruct or teach Crossfit without obtaining their $1000-certification, along with the $2000-yearly-affiliation-fee.
That’s pretty damn funny, because Crossfit isn’t even an original concept. All it is, is a bastardized, riskier-version of circuit-training. Circuit-training involves high-volume, numerous exercises, and little-to-no rest. This improves muscular endurance and cardiovascular ability. Typically, a circuit will use movements that are simple and easy when performed by itself with lower volume, such as pushup, bodyweight squats, etc. Crossfit decides that you should do it with Olympic lifts and complex gymnastic movements.
Anyway, circuit training had already been around for a while. This type of training was devised by Morgan and Anderson in 1953 at the University of Leeds. There’s revolutionary or extraordinary about Crossfit. It’s been around for six decades, guys.
But, it’s okay, ’cause this drunk guy talking says that squats – not just squats, but CROSSFIT-TRADEMARKED SQUATS – make you injury-resistant to high-rep box jumps. By the way, this guy is the founder of the company.
They’re message is not faulty – you should be training movements, not muscles – but the dude appears to be drunk off his arse and it’s funny.