How to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse

Fitness for the End of the World

7am. You wake up like usual. Make your coffee, eat your bagel, and read the paper. As you walk outside to your car, you realize something’s “off”. Your neighbor is standing on his lawn, so you go up to him to see how he’s doing. Then, you realize half of his face is ripped off and decomposed, and he begins to charge at you with a foaming mouth.

This is the zombie apocalypse – if it started today, would you be prepared to survive?

Honestly, the whole “zombie apocalypse” scenario is full of crap and would never happen. It’s just the fantasy of teenage boys to run around and slaughter the undead like they were living in a real-life video game. Well, we can probably thank video games for planting those thoughts in their heads.

However, the possibility of other end-of-the-world scenarios exist. Solar flares and power-grid failures, natural disasters, riots and looting – these are all events that can actually happen, and have occurred at some time in recent history. Would you be able to tough it out and survive amidst chaos?

While there are numerous bases that need to be covered for survival when the “shit hits the fan”, I’m going to cover the physical aspect of survival.

Weight-Loss

In a world without order or modern conveniences, only the strongest shall survive. An incredibly overweight and out-of-shape individual is just as useful as a sack of bricks in a survival situation – both are dead-weight and a liability.

Man boobs and a sandwich.

Instead of telling yourself you’ll lose weight someday, how about try losing weight today? No one is going to hold your hand when the world turns sour, so you might as well get used to putting in hard work when modern civilization is still functioning.

Sprinting

You’re walking down the street  and an angry mob of looters comes around the corner. What do you do? RUN!

Marine sprinting.

Unless you’ve got considerable experience in fighting, non-confrontation and retreat is a good idea to avoid getting your face kicked-in.

Training your ability to sprint is easy: run 50-100 meters or yards, walk back to the starting line, and repeat. Want to make it a little more realistic and entertaining? Play a game of freeze tag with a couple of your buddies. By doing that, you’ll be sprinting undetermined distances and times and directly compete with other people. Why is this so important? It’s because life is unpredictable.

Walking

Unless you’ve got car parts and gasoline stocked in your garage, chances are you’ll be walking a lot when society crumbles. It’s an unfortunate reminder of how dependent we’ve become on modern conveniences and technology.

Good news – humans have been walking around for transportation for a much longer time than we have whilst using cars or horses. We’re bipedal organisms and we’re made to walk.

Go outside and start walking. Seriously, it’s that simple. Not only will you get better at walking and be able to walk for longer distances, your cardiovascular conditioning will improve as well as your body composition, even if it feels effortless.. That’s because, instead of sitting on your butt for that time, you’ll be moving.

Strength

If a buddy of yours falls down and breaks his leg, all that needs to be done in today’s world is to call 9-1-1. But what if 9-1-1 no longer exists? What if that sexy paramedic can’t come and save the day?

Well, that just means it’s your job to save the day. You’ve got to be able to carry your buddy to somewhere safe, and you’ve got to be strong enough to do it.

Arthur Saxon

This is just one of the many examples that prove you need to be able to carry your own weight, so to speak. Strength is an invaluable quality that can really save your ass when things get messy. In the famous words of Mark Rippetoe, “strong people are harder to kill than weak people, and more useful in general.”

So, what are you waiting for? Get out there and lift some heavy weight!

Parkour

Life is full of tall walls, locked gates, closed doors, and other obstacles. When you’re starving or being chased by people trying to eat your face, you don’t have time to sit around and mope over that 10-foot fence in your path – you’re going to climb over it, or die.
The parkour movement has grown quite a bit in popularity, it seems, and for damn good reasons. For those of you who don’t know, parkour is the sport or skill of being able to move around freely in an environment full of obstacles. If you live in a city or the suburbs, walk outside and look around you. There are walls, fences, buildings, and trees to be climbed, for example. Cars, fire hydrants, trash cans – all of these can be jumped over.

The people who take up parkour don’t see everyday objects in the world as “roadblocks” or “obstacles”. They see these things as a part of their playground. There’s beauty in the seemingly effortless movement these people can produce.

If a bit of dabbling in parkour can make you better at climbing , jumping, running, and balancing, then why the hell would you NOT start practicing this skill?

When life plays you a crappy hand, you take it for what it is and do what you need to do to get by, and that’s exactly what these parkour folks are good at.

Fighting

Running away and fleeing may be the safest option when confronted by bad guys, but what if flight is not an option? Duking it out is risky, because risking injury without easy-access to medical attention can be lethal, but sometimes you may just have no other option.

Are you prepared to fight someone at this moment? Do you even know how to throw a punch?

Muy Thai
Having the ability to stand your ground, as well as having the confidence in your abilities, can mean life or death in an unfortunate scenario. No one is going to be there to protect you, so you better learn how to protect yourself.

So, that’s it folks. Stay lean, sprint fast, walk far, lift heavy, climb high, fight hard, and you’ll be prepared for the zombie apocalypse.

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2 Comments

  1. Photo Credits
    Zombie. Author: Andrew Braithwaite. commons.wikimedia.org
    Man-boobs. Author: Don LaVange. flickr.com
    Marine sprinting. Public domain. commons.wikimedia.org
    Arthur Saxon. Public domain. commons.wikimedia.org
    Muy Thai. Author: David Maiolo. commons.wikimedia.org

  2. Loved this article. Well I must start building my fighting skills.

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